Welcome to the next edition of “How to battle with [Pokémon]”, where I shall explain how you can use an underused – yet cool – Pokémon in a competitive setting, and when and where not to use them.

Today I shall ramble about a Pokémon introduced in the 2nd generation. Its sweet milk is enjoyed by children and grown-ups alike. I’m told people who can’t drink milk apparently turn it into yogurt and eat it instead, but most people who can’t drink milk are lactose intolerant and can’t eat yogurt either. Truly sad. Rumor has it that it also causes severe nightmares to video game players, but at present there are only like 600 YouTube videos to prove this. I am, of course, referring to Miltank. I will now proceed to explain where, when, why, and how to use it in whatever competitive (or un-competitive) format your heart desires, it really is just that good. Let’s just start already, shall we?

The Subject

#241 Miltank
Species: Milk Cow
Type: Normal
Abilities: Thick Fat, Scrappy, Sap Sipper (Hidden)
Weaknesses: Fighting
Evolves from: None
Height: 1.2 m
Weight: 75.5 kg
Tier: God tier
Usage: All day every day

Base Stats (range @ L100)
HP: 95 (300-394)
Attack: 80 (148-284)
Defense: 105 (193-339)
SpAtk: 40 (76-196)
SpDef: 70 (130-262)
Speed: 100 (184-328)
Total: 490

Miltank has god tier stats. It has as much health as a Palkia. It has more Defense than a Celesteela. It is as strong as a Walrein, who “can totally shatter blocks of ice weighing 10 tons with one blow” (source: Omega Ruby PokéDex). It is as fast as Mega Blaziken, who has been shown to be able to jump buildings with ease (source: literally every episode with Mega Blaziken in it). Neither of the other two stats matter ever for any reason, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

It has three equally good Abilities. Thick Fat halves all damage from Fire and Ice attacks, so you don’t have to worry about pesky Talonflames Flare Blitzing you to death. Scrappy allows you to hit Ghosts with Normal-type attacks, so you don’t have to worry about them switching in something annoying like a Sableye. Sap Sipper can be used to grant Miltank an immunity to Grass moves, as well as boost his Attack should the opponent be foolish enough to use one anyway.

Its movepool is equally impressive. It has access to the great coverage combo of Electric and Ice in either the appropriate Elemental Punches or the standard BoltBeam combo. It can use Focus Punch, an incredibly powerful Fighting-type move with no recoil. For STABs, it gets access to every relevant Normal-type move, and by that I just mean Return and Stomp. As far as status moves go, it can use the incredibly potent Milk Drink to recover its own health, or Attract to disrupt any pesky male Pokémon trying to attack it. But most importantly, Miltank can learn to use the most powerful attack in the game: Rollout.

So OP stats, great coverage, good status moves, and the most powerful move in the game. Yeah…

The Set

Literally the only Miltank set that matters
Miltank (F) @ Lum Berry
Ability: Scrappy
EVs: 252 Atk / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
Adamant Nature (+Atk -SpA)
– Stomp
– Attract
– Milk Drink
– Rollout

As I said, Rollout is the most powerful attack in the game, so why wouldn’t you use it? Stomp is there to represent how much you will stomp your enemies with this Pokémon, as well as cause flinching. Attract helps with those pesky evolutions of Starter Pokémon, as they are almost always male, as well as any other annoying things that come your way. And in the event your top-class Defenses are broken, just push Milk Drink. Easy game, easy life.

Scrappy was the selected ability so you can Stomp on the Ghost-types. Lum Berry helps if the enemy thinks they can actually damage you with Poison or Burn. The EVs and Nature literally don’t matter, as you are god-tier anyway.

If you must use another Miltank set, try a Rest/Talk set with Body Slam, Attract, Rest, and Sleep Talk. You could also run a more coverage-oriented set with Hammer Arm and Zen Headbutt. The last reasonable option is reserved only for true newbies; it is comprised of Body Slam, Fire Punch, Defence Curl, and Rollout.

Team and Strategy

An ideal partner for Miltank might be a Choice Specs Tauros. This covers the Special attacks that I told you not to use, like three sections ago. Clefairy also forms a very nice defensive core with Miltank. Other than that, Miltank is a strong, independent cow who don’t need “teammates”.

Strategy is overrated. Just Stomp on things and Rollout them until they die, while healing and Attracting liberally as needed.

How Do?

Here is a replay that shows Miltank in action. This battle shows how you are supposed to play with Miltank. Sadly, due to some shenanigans, Miltank loses in a 1v3 fight, but she still took out 2 and a half Pokémon. What a champion!

To Use or Not to Use…

Pros:

• Most powerful move in the game
• Awesome stats
• Great movepool
• Attract annoys your opponents to no end
• Hard counter to all Johto starters

Cons:

• Hah, there are none!

Points of Comparison

There are none.

TL;DR: You mess with the cow, you get the roll.

So that’s it for this segment of “How to battle with [Pokémon]”. Check back later for more shenanigans and not any annoying joke articles. Until then, discussion in the comments below is accepted, encouraged, and requested. To direct questions or give suggestions for this column as a whole, including suggesting new Pokémon to rant about, go to the discussion thread for this column. Until next time, you stay classy, PokéCommunity.

Edited by bobandbill.
Endorsed by Whitney.